confessions

as in fessing up...(cringe)

confessions late entry

i confess it was difficult to come back to post
i read my prior entries and it's painful to review
i'm still finding it a feat to stay in the present
i confess i don't have an exact plan
i do have hopes and dreams
courage, how do i get more of this?
i fear ending up alone but honestly
in this relationship, i feel lonely anyhow.
i pretend to care, smile and it's draining.

confessions that are real

i confess that i wish there was a do over button. dang it. &%$#@!!!!!!!!!!!!
why didn't i do better?
is it too late?
am i too old for this?
i wanna be 10 years younger but only with the knowledge i presently have.
....so much wasted time on people that did nothing to better my life!
....and i still wasting time on such people?
i confess i am still learning hard lessons because i have been naive about relathionships.
i'm a natural giver but i confess, i'm entering a selfish phase: good or bad. dunno.

confessions from a zero

i confess that i don't wanna die holding a long to-do list in my hand
i confess that i've made lots of poor choices but didn't know how poor til now
i confess that at work people like me, i have lots of friends but at home i feel like a total ZERO.
i confess that if you met me you'd like me and wouldn't believe i'm authoring this blog.
if i end up alone will all the risks i'm about to hopefully take be worth it, i don't want to end up alone.
am i the only one with such a stupid pending-better life....really? well i hope to meet up with my betterself soon.

today's confessions

am i this pathetic? 2 posts on confessions and wow....sucky life at home.
i cried in the car because i want to axe this monotony and move on but i'm afraid that my child will hate me and i'll end up alone thinking i should have stuck it out. GUILT SUCKS. When my husband is in the same room as me, it's like being completely alone, we hardly talk or have anything in common except our child and our address ...yet we are worlds apart...seriously is this a relationship? i think he's okay because i'm a good wife and a good mom but on the other hand, me = dying in many ways, silently... except when i'm in the car and the drive home is long. 

Anyone going through separation from spouse and regretting it....especially with a child...care to confess 'anonymously'? 

confessions galore

i confess sometimes i wanna leave it all behind and travel the world. 
i confess the person i call my husband is a stranger to me or me to him, he knows not my dreams
i don't know that i can list all my dreams, maybe it's just one big one with lots of details.
it's difficult to live in the 'now' because my memory is good and brings up past #fails
and my imagination propels me into my future with worst-case scenarios
i have lots of fears
i don't let my fears sink my dreams.
i let other people sink my dreams.
i think too much.

Non sum qualis eram (I am not what I used to be)

made so many, too many mistakes, i'm posting so i can see them in print (oh the reality of print...cringe) and learn from them in fast mode.

Really self... i am tired of being 'stupid in choice' (SIC) mode and suffering the consequences. 

OR psychobabble/self-help-make-it-sound-positive-approach: "creating learning opportunities for myself" vahmet big vahmet.

i am smart and funny annnnnd i sound like personal ad. -shift-

i don't wanna die holding a full to-do list in my hand thinking (forget that i'm dead for a sec!)

'WAAAAIT' 

'RETAKE' (Hollywood style)

'RT'.... (see twitter, hi @jack)

HEEL (wait, for canines only!)

i don't wanna post my failures to outdo anyone except my former stupid self.

HEY future me to retro-me: "remember when i used to post all the dumb stuff i did" (past tense!) 

future me: 'non sum qualis eram" -wow, that's cool- 

 

#confessions this is not what i planned to write, but i let my mind go by way of tangents. post 2 quickly approaching.